"Fifty Shades Darker" movie review

I read the hell out of the Fifty Shades books back in 2012.  Even though they all inexplicably clocked in at over 500 pages, they were brisk reads; it took me less than five days to get through all three books.  Not one time while reading did I consider what I was reading anything worthwhile.  I think I hurriedly finished the books in the same way everyone rubbernecks after a car crash—it’s impossible to look away.  In addition, I enjoy looking at the pop culture zeitgeist, and I try to give these mainstream works a shot in the hopes that I can understand why they got popular.

All of this is to say that of course I watched Fifty Shades of Grey back in 2015 (twice!), and naturally, I watched Fifty Shades Darker last night.  This time, E.L. James’s husband, Niall Leonard, has adapted her novel to the screen—turning a 544-page book filled with repetitive sex scenes, one-sided arguments, and copious email threads into a two-hour movie.  In terms of adaptation, the movie highlights all of the “significant” (lol) portions of the novel.  Sure, it loses track of its entire supporting cast—but E.L. James did the same thing in her books, so you can’t blame the film adaptation for following the lead of its source material.

Both the book and film versions of Fifty Shades Darker meander around for too long, with the drama outside of Christian Grey and Ana Steele being too easily resolved.  Christian’s ex-sub, Leila, had a dramatic suicide attempt in Christian’s apartment during the plotline of Fifty Shades of Grey (hence Christian’s hasty exit from Georgia when he was visiting Ana and her mother).  She pops up around Ana in the first half of Fifty Shades Darker—but outside of a dramatic five-second scene that makes the movie trailer look more interesting than it should, the resolution is swift and anticlimactic.  A similar thing happens with the movie’s “main antagonist” (lol), Jack Hyde, Ana’s boss at the publishing agency she works at.

There are many, many unbelievable portions of the plot.  The most egregious is when Christian Grey, the youngest billionaire in America, suddenly buys the agency that Ana works at. After the fiction editor (Ana’s boss) is fired, Ana is given the role—even though she has only been at this job for mere weeks, and she just graduated with a B.A. in English earlier that year. 

I wouldn’t say this film is significantly worse than the original, but the big plus I had with that (the soundtrack was exceptionable) doesn’t translate to the sequel.  There is a good cover version of Coldplay’s “The Scientist” that plays over the opening credits, but otherwise the soundtrack, especially with the godawful original song by Zayn and Taylor Swift, falls flat.  One thing I can conclude: Even with a cast that includes two Oscar-winning actors (Marcia Gay Harden plays Christian’s mom; Kim Basinger plays Christian’s original “Mrs. Robinson” and current business partner, Alena Lincoln), not one actor hits the right note with their performance.  Lead actors Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan are especially awful.  It’s hard to watch the relationship between Ana and Christian play out when the actors can’t be bothered to give passable performances.  It’s almost like the filmmakers know that people are only going to watch Fifty Shades Darker for the softcore sex scenes—though, frankly, that doesn’t provide enough entertainment to warrant the price of a movie ticket.

Rating:  D